Do you ever just feel completely overwhelmed? When you have to just throw up your hands and announce that your done?
Well, I have been feeling that lately. Sort of the burdens of the world on my shoulders in a way. Although, I am the one who placed them there…or did I? God does work in mysterious ways.
I had a bit of a blog break. Not intentionally, it just turned out that way. One day streamed into the next and before I knew it I hadn’t written in a few weeks. Wow! Where does the time go?
I had a hard time wanting to write after posting about sweet Hope. I kind of didn’t want there to be a post after Hope. You know? I just loved logging on and her beautiful face popping up into the middle of my screen. Taking a moment to pray each time I walked by the computer, for Amy, for Shawn, for Sadie, for Charlotte. Sort of breathing in the moment and simply accepting the peace the Lord can bring. I didn’t want to move on, not wanting to move past that beauty on my screen. And yet here we are, moving forward; remembering.
I am an emotional girl. I know that may sound cliché, but for reals, I cry at commercials. Like, a lot of them. And lately my emotions have just been swallowing me up. I was feeling a pull to focus and just put those emotions and all my love into praying when I sensed hurt. I gotta say, I got overwhelmed. My emotions got the best of me and putting those into prayer created an opportunity to continue to walk forward and be supportive when I could.
I suppose sometimes I just wonder the world is coming to, I watch the news and I can barely handle the sadness, the stories of abandoned children and hungry families. People that are homeless and poor and sick. Sad and angry people taking guns into schools. Corruption in government, the devastation of war. Although I know as long as the world has gone round, these things have been happening. Probably due to our increased access of technology is what makes it seem like there is more awful now than ever. Either way, I refuse to be numb to it.
Than there is the grief that is occurring in my own circles and in the lives of those I love. Death, cancer, sickness, infertility, affairs, divorces, abuse, brokenness, depression. People going through the unimaginable. I sometimes wonder why God gave me a heart of compassion. Because although I have this one compassionate heart I can’t always make the impact I desire. I am not swimming in a bunch of money, I don’t have clout in a high powered company, I am not a genius and I don’t often have the right words to bring comfort. All I have to give is me. Maybe a kind word, a little note or just an understanding nod across the aisles at the grocery store. Generally all I can do is fall on my knees and pray. Praying for guidance, praying for inspiration and for refueling.
In that refueling we find His good. Our friends that pick us up when we are broken. Our families who love us no matter what we do. Giggles in a little boy that ran barefoot in the grass for the very first time. Flowers that come up year after year despite the terrifying cold that comes every winter. The smell of a new baby. Coffee with a dear friend. The softness of a brand new puppies fur. The pleasure in doing something that you enjoy.
The little things and the big.
Realizing that at the end of a really big storm you will see the sun again. You will.
I promise you.
And so does He.
Psalm 107: 28-30
Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble and He delivered them from their distress. He made the storm be still, and the waves of the sea were hushed.
Then they were glad that the waters were quiet, and He brought them to their desired haven.
